Your bitter pen bares your soul
Wrestle your demons
Read, listen, reply
The channel provides escape
We can feel your pain
Teasing or torment?
The devil seduces you
Cold comfort, embrace
On the horizon
The white ship appears again
He will never stop


Oh how your calm water turns into a raging storm on the horizon...I see you rowing to the white
ship. No. don't do it...you keep rowing harder and faster, he is standing there on the deck
watching and waiting for your arrival. your torment is eased by his promises. You long for your
suffering to end, he teases you with cold comfort. Is there love? You climb aboard in your white flowing
garments of fine linen. A perfect fixture for the white ship complimenting the decor with your
hardened feelings. Better to have loved and lost, than never at all? You bow to him and before your
eyes he is transformed into your fantasy lover who has ravaged you 1000 times in your dreams. He
reaches to your hand and lifts you off your knees to pull you close to his bare chest. Your courage
has freed you and the midnight moon shines on the water as you make love under the stars....

Your hug was so warm tonight...I miss you so much....I am here...it was good to see you again...great to talk....things are so different now...I miss you more when you are here...don't forget me...ever...I touched your purple blanket and remembered all the past...can I grow up now too? I have not been the same in many years...but you...change daily...cuddle with that blanket...I hope it keeps memories that are good...the traditions are broken...but...I am still here if you need me...

The marriage, you try to help but you don't understand....I reach out...there is nothing there....I don't kiss...and the kiss does not come...I listen but it is just air...annoyance... and then there is bones…they are not young…they are worked…ragged…… listen to me…the freedom comes daily…I am in control…bored….ten hours to find two hours of bliss….to me…that is enough…the slate is guilt….the slate is resignation…the slate is nothing…empty of any emotion….one life….two….does not matter…I have freedom…that gives me the right….there are flaws there….and I don’t like them anymore…the perfection of thieves…slipping in at dark….I make my mark…youthful innocence do not know my newness…marriageable…I am…you do not understand how we think….we are born to be this….you are born to be mothers…sit and be…I bring home the wares and you are fine…spring….the spring is your first of two…of one….of never again….Looking at the bones…thinking…enjoy yourself…it will come to an end one day…and I hope you remember who the real expert was…above the waist…

Selfish...I take...
giving...I am...
wishful...I think..
loving....I can..

waking up with you tomorrow...and go to bed with you tonight...wake with you every morning...and go to bed every night...

I know what it is to look into life...see what it is to have desperate want...of anything but loneliness...the end of the days...and it is harder now...you are so beautiful...so sexy...so sweet...but you can't be mine...fingers cling to the softness of love...but there is no further way that this will be end...I am here for you...just look at me...I know what I am giving..I know what I take...but I know what would be without...but what for you...? What do you give...what do you take...what will you be doing without? I do not think that far....Selfish wants...desires...heart...who is hurting more?

11/6/05-11/6/07....

6 months...2 years...the adjustments came and went...truth is that....it was right...sentimental value is lost...time is gone...what happened to...sentimoltion? Where have you been? Always around...What has happened? Always good...What is next? Always forever....Is this the new death? Is this now the time that final sleep comes to us? You must say something.....empty and alone...you must say something....sentimoltion.....I wait..