You cry out to me...my arms are open...you fall to the ground......what can I do...I can't pick you up...I can't make you stand......what can I do? My love...my love...my love...I am here when you need me....my love is waiting...make yourself strong........become...be...live.

That second...that moment......I knew that I was hurt...not on the physical plain...but within....my heart....... loving touch.. soft kisses...youth...all my dreams came true tonight...and all my fears....the devil was out playing a game of fight...who is to lose again.....one year ago...I was morning a love...did not think to plan one year later...and shot through the heart it came....the one who came to rescue me...now has drown me....I knew he was poison...I knew he would show his horns...the devil is flying in his big white ship.......the smiles of youth bring him further...simplistic...why is it that the innocent are the ones that hurt...the one that is the evil...where is his pain? A wake of tears...hearts....we all cuddle together...looking for a reason...adding that devil to our list of lies...you push away because there is nothing holding you here...you want but you don't want...you crave but you don't desire...you are the devil....yes we fall into you...like the angel you are...you take as the greed is in you for passion....you are like the ones you replace..but you do not see that....you see yourself as the best part...the angel that is so clear..but...that youth in our eyes only says that we want you.....not better or new....we are good until you break our way...the devil drags us so easily away....your wake is going to be on fire...and you don't care....your pieces you leave will one day take all you are and have...but you don't care....you think that momentary feelings will be enough...but you have taken something...from me...you showed me...like a movie...the visual in my mind...you cannot do that...it is so strong that I feel sick...I feel fearful.....I reach out...there is that face...but....the hot flesh is full of spikes...the horns are out...but they are full of fire...if I reach out...the burns will never go away....but I look at the hand that has touched in the past...and there is your mark...burned into my flesh...a big streak....a large mark of you...I rub...it stays...I wash...it reappears...I hold to my heart....there is a sense of coolness there...I pull away...it burns me to tears......my stomach turns.......I feel weak...faint....I hate you ...I hate you...to my heart again.........lies spread into my heart...I have been consumed by you devil.........another victim...the mark as I pull away...is gone...I look at the mirror...in my eyes...I see that mark...in me now...I close my eyes...blink...still there...I wash away them....drop the cold anti venom of you...but it remains..........will I want to run away........Yes...I will one day...I cannot sit and feel this evil forever...you know that...you know that I closed my eyes today...and have only opened them with your mark in me...my heart will make it go away....in time...good that you have the home of your life....for the rest....will be a wake..of tears...I hope you can live with it........I will one day...be able to say........loke you.......but...no more.

I will come... back..
I will when I want you...again..
I will when I have no others...this night..
I will when there is nothing else...but your mind..
I will when I have time..and I am not looking...
I will when my ways are larger than my means...
I will..come back...Happy Birthday!

I love you! ssshhhhh

My youngest(Poopie) has been collecting flowers for me for the last several days from around the yard....all types...from my planters, my garden, my grass...well...let's hope at least some grow back...but point is that he did it for me...building up to the day he found so important to me..he would sneak into the house and tell me loudly..."Don't look at these flowers behind my back.." he would walk up to me...tap my right ear...and say "forget you saw them"...and again he would tap my ear....and again...I asked him why he hit my ear....he said..."that is the side the information goes in...the other is where it comes out...I want you to forget that you saw the flowers so I am knocking it out of your brain"..I laughed at him...his thoughts....I awaited this glorious day...working up to the last minute on finals...wanting to be able to spend the day with them...my kids...I woke up to the Poopie...his bright eyes...his loving smile...all the way across his face...he climbed into bed with me...face to face we are....his smile never changed...he took my nose...and then gave it back...he took my eyes, mouth and cheeks...and then gave them back..........he took my heart....and I will never ask for it back...