I closed my eyes to you many years ago...I could only take so much...I am here trying to be what I can...but still tending to my heart...It is not the place that I miss as much as you...but you do not wish to help me through..I think of what I lost..but also what I gain...but I will lose it all because you cheat me from a life of love and life...I will grow old with you because I have to...living your life and all that goes with it..your dreams...your wishes...your dust...no kisses...This is not my life...this is not my world...but it is a selfish life that has become my resignation...

I ask you to marry me. I want to treat you like no one has ever treated you. I want to take you into my life and have you forever.......is that the words spoken in your heart...in your life...does marriage mean that you can have the best lover, the best friend, the one that makes you feel the best...is it a game that people play to come together in marriage? Time kills even the best of life...refreshing as it can be... it must remain...will you marry me?

Setting free, coming back...does that really happen? I let them go and wait for no return? I am afraid that I was wrong and that I became a dream that now has ended....Good bye my lover...good bye my friends...words of a song that I know by heart... a memory of time and of moments that will never come back again. I am losing touch with things that make me feel so wonderful...so special...Why can't some of the great things in your heart last for a longer time than the mere memory...why can't I have it forever...?

The familiar tear runs down my cheek. Where are you? I sit and wait as the time ticks by wondering if this time you will show. But I know that you will not. The appointment has been set for so many years and yet I sit and wait in hope that this time it will be the one. I get up to leave, feeling that this is the last time....no it is not...I need you in my world as much as I need myself. The strengh that your mere image brings takes me to a new place...your absence makes me feel weak and I struggle for what I have to do, want to do...need to do. The appointment is still open...don't forget forever. I wait...

Day 2...I have been 39 for 2 whole days now...I think I am afraid. I look around and the world seems exactly the same and no one seems to notice that I have aged. I think there is a conspiracy around me. I am hiding right now in a box, my breath is clogging my eyes; heavy and onion smelling....darn that grilled onion!...I don't know what to do. I hear voices and they keep calling my name. I think...no...I fear it may be aliens coming to suck my brain out....the muffled noise....the words....I keep hearing "mmmuuuummmmmyyyyy"...I think that may be alien for 'Look for a virgin'...I just don't know...I need help...SEND HELP!